I want an owner’s manual

September 23, 2009 at 10:18 pm 6 comments

Do we choose our life experiences?  Does it matter if we do or don’t?  If we do choose, where’s the fairness in some people getting a user’s guide and others not – it sure seems that way.  Or is it karma that determines our challenges and our outcomes?  And if so, could some of us really have screwed up that badly in the past?  And what’s the logic behind paying for something in one body that you did in another (and don’t even remember doing)?  Maybe we can blame human suffering on God?  Or maybe there’s some Universal Senate making up new rules that even God has to follow?

A dear friend recently died and her passing has thrown off my already precarious balance.  I’ve read the books, I know what I’m supposed to be doing and supposed to be thinking, but I’m still questioning and wondering and doubting.  I mean, I get that we have an opportunity in every minute to choose happiness.  And I get that a lot of what we see as reality is really illusion, but shouldn’t that be something we learn in preschool so we don’t have to spend the rest of our years feeling put upon by the world?  It’s too easy to explain the vagrancies of life as “Universal Laws” or “karmic debt.”  the truth is that it seems plenty unfair that some gentle and loving people carry heavy burdens all through life while egomaniacal miscreants seem to get an easy break.  There are lots of explanations out there, but I think our assignment of cause and effect is really just a mental exercise to relieve our own need for an explanation.  Really, just because some old guy in a cave 1000 years ago said something that sounds profound, does that make it true?

And where does that leave us?  If we don’t rely on explanations like “karma” or “Universal Laws” how do we make sense of all this craziness that we call Life?  Truthfully, I don’t think we can.  The trying to make sense is in itself crazy-making.  But can we live with all this craziness without it taking a toll?  At some point you have to put a stake in the ground and just decide on a perspective that makes you able to move on with energy and enthusiasm.  Isn’t that what we do as humans?  Isn’t that what religion, science and politics are?  Just ways of trying to make sense of the craziness in the world.  In the end they’re all just perspectives – different ways of trying to make logic out of a weave of events that could as easily be attributed to cause and effect, as seen to be chaos.

And so I choose my perspective and hope that it will not only help me, but also those with whom I come into contact.  Today, I choose, instead of grieving the loss of my friend to honor the gift of our friendship and the blessing of knowing her.  She was a gentle, kind soul who even in the midst of her own suffering was always looking out for others.  Instead of regretting not spending more time with my friend, I choose to cherish the time we did spend together, including phone calls and a visit with my parents a month before her death.  Instead of viewing it as tragic that her baby boy will not know his mother, I recognize the blessing that he has an entire lifetime to experience because she gave him that gift.

Even so, in the midst of all this I think of her family and the loss they must somehow make space for in their lives and sometimes it still doesn’t make any sense.  I find myself having to release the need for it to make sense, or else sink into despair.

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Entry filed under: A Conscious Life.

Working with The Sedona Method – 1 Releasing my need to know

6 Comments Add your own

  • 1. Nix  |  September 24, 2009 at 12:08 am

    ,,, And you say that it is I who is the writer? You with your intuitive eloquence and bald literary human-ness ,,, you my dear, dear friend are the writer of consumate heart! And that is most profoundly important! I am rocked by these little windows into your thoughts ,,, rocked & rolled! Love you. Nix

    Reply
    • 2. fmanddk  |  September 28, 2009 at 12:21 pm

      Nix, Thanks. But that doesn’t change the fact that you have something great to offer the world! LOL! I’m gonna keep bugging you!

      Reply
  • 3. Simone  |  September 24, 2009 at 12:30 pm

    The love you shared will never pass. It is eternal. Blessings.

    Reply
    • 4. fmanddk  |  September 28, 2009 at 12:14 pm

      Thanks Simone, you’re right about that.

      Reply
  • 5. Tandum  |  September 25, 2009 at 7:53 pm

    And we so rarely see each other. I like to think time wrinkles for us. When we do see each other I still find your presence as remarkable as I did 20 years ago. I’m taking the time now to express my gratitude for having the chance to know you this go ’round.

    Reply
  • 6. Ren  |  September 28, 2009 at 11:00 am

    Fran,
    I recently (2 weeks ago) lost someone very important in my life – and I too am struggling to find balance. I know in my heart that I should let them go for my faith is strong that there is better than here… but I find that I cannot blithely let go because I miss them and all the plans we made. “Mortals plan, the gods laugh”…. it’s greek I think… I’m trying to let go. I am trying to find the balance. I am trying to give up the need to know the reason, the purpose, the plan…. I ma grateful for teh time i had…. how do I stop wanting more I wonder?
    Just musing to a fellow sufferer…
    Ren

    Reply

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